Dear (music) diary...

The year has begun... Well, actually, that is a full sentence. It has begun, but I'm stuck in this, like... seemingly permanent state of stillness. 

When the year begun, at first I got stuck in a YouTube hook, like I wrote last time. All I did on my spare time was binge watch YouTube. I did so much last year, I think I was lowkey burned out or something and needed a break.

Then, next I got stuck in the 24h news cycle, it felt like all I ever did was consume news or commentary on current events in some form, be it broadcasts, podcasts, talk shows, news sites, newsletters or print media. I had no time for music or other fun things at all. Didn't open social media for a month, either.

About a month ago I decided enough is enough, and dropped everything. Didn't follow any news. The stream never ends, there will never be enough hours in the day to catch all of it anyway, when new news keep pouring in all the time. 

Since then, I've listened to some pop albums that have come out this year (because they're easy to catch in one listening, they don't require repetition like metal and hiphop). I've also listened to quite a few singles that have come out from artists I follow on Spotify, of any genre.

I've binge watched tv shows, mainly queer ones. I'm obsessed with Heated Rivalry and Connor Storrie. 

Storrie has made me fall in love with making art again. Expressing myself. Which this blog is as well, sort of. I'm slowly getting back to drawing and writing poetry as well, I have been in a rut for about a year with those, not creating nearly anything.

After Heated Rivalry (and about 15 to 20 reaction channels reacting to it) I was sick the other day and decided to finally watch Red, White and Royal Blue. It was better than I expected, so I decided to read the book as well. I hadn't picked them up before because I thought I wouldn't be able to relate to the rich male characters. Heated Rivalry proved me wrong on that regard - turns out it's enough that the people are gay/bi, I relate to that enough that socioeconomical status doesn't matter. And let me tell you, this book... might be the best romance novel I've ever read. And I'm a librarian whose comfort read is chick lit, I read a lot of romance. I also read YA at work and there have been some amazing queer romance books that have come out in the past few years, both Finnish and translations. So it's not like I'm starved for queer lit, either. This book is just simply the most beautifully and poetically written romance book I've ever layed my hands upon. 

As for music, early in the year I tried to quit YouTube and ended up on a short Instagram binge, where the algo fed me SOFIA ISELLA. She's just a lot to digest, lyrically and artistically, so I haven't written about her yet. I don't know if I will, either, like... You just need to experience her yourself. Words don't do her or her art justice.

She's the only music artist that's really HIT me this year, like Heated Rivalry and Red, White & Royal Blue (the book) did.

Right now, I feel like I work best on a whim. (At times, I thrive under structure, but not rn.) That's how I am the happiest and get the most done, in the long haul. Blog posts usually take several sessions to write, though, so... I might start one and then not finish or post it. So, sorry for not posting anything. This is a hobby for me and I have no regular readers (that I know of), so I don't feel that much pressure to force myself into writing and posting.

There are a few things that encourage me to, though.

1) Connor Storrie, and how his passion for his own artistic endeavours has re-awaken my artistic side.

2) Knox Hill reminding me the other day that even he doesn't always catch everything in the first listen (he said it on the Eminem video he did with The Charismatic Voice). And he does reaction videos for a living. Makes me feel more ok for not being perfect, and for possibly posting stuff that's not perfect.

3) When Knox showed Sleep Token to Black Pegasus and complimented their versatility and lyricism and clean vocals and I wanted to scream at his face for the gazillionth time: "YES, THAT'S PROG METAL FOR YOU! LISTEN TO MORE PROG METAL, DUDE, GOD DAMMIT! YOU'LL LOVE THE LIVING HECK OUT OF IT!" But, you know. He doesn't listen to me - nothing personal, I'm sure, I'm just in a minority with my music taste in his fanbase. This is his job, he has to listen to what the majority wants. Anyway, that awakened a desire in me to seek more prog metal. He might not have the time/interest to seek actually good music, but I do.

4) I made this new playlist, called NOW. At first it was supposed to be a dumping ground for all the songs I typically have a sudden urge to listen to, compiled onto one playlist for convenience's sake. Which is pop and alternative, with a few hiphop and metal bangers thrown in there.

But then I combined my Listen To This! playlist with it and now it has too much rap in it. Listen To This! is a playlist I made 1-2 years ago for music I listened to once and knew I had to listen to more times to really grasp it all. Mainly rap bars I hadn't caught yet. But now when I listen to the playlist, which is almost daily, I often have the urge to skip those rap songs. They're just not sonically doing it to me like metal or alternative or good pop hooks are. Complex flows are fun in their own right, but not the same as these other genres and their appeal. I think finding more metal and alt for the list would solve my issue. Then I'd hear the rap songs as little snacks in between instead of them taking over my playlist, you know? The idea of the playlist is that when I know a song by heart AND I get bored of it, it doesn't belong on the list anymore. Songs that still sound great can stay.

-- After typing the text above (I've been drafting this post for a few days), I decided to delete all the rap songs from the playlist that are technically perfect and I wish I understood, but that are just not hitting for me, sonically or lyrically. Life is too short. And luckily people like Knox exist, so if I change my mind later about re-trying to understand said artists, I can use his videos to do that, or as a jumping point for Google rabbit holes.

I am going to search for more prog metal and alternative artists, though. And listen to more music from the ones I already listen to now. 

I have also started the Best Albums of 2025 post (or series of posts), but it's a lot of work and I don't wanna force it. Forcing it leads to a burnout or to an uninspired, emotionally empty blog post. And I don't want that. I won't strive for perfection, but I also don't want to put out something I'm not happy with. It'll come out when it comes out.

In the meantime, NOW is what I'm listening to now, in case anyone's interested: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/52YzaA9rQHAkopTZy1UdGU?si=TPWj4iIKSNCH1yy_GI5gzA&pi=fqEpuDFlTge-3