The Riveting Story of How I Almost Got Tickets to Back to the Beginning

Ok, so I ALMOST got tickets to the greatest heavy metal gig to ever exist... But then didn't.

I figured out there were a bunch of different kinds of presales before the actual sale, and managed to get both the link and the code for Tuesday's presale. I joined the queue ~12:10pm, 10min after the sale started. I was #33424 on the queue when I joined. I took a screenshot (and wrote this blog post) to commemorate this moment.

I was at work during this time, keeping an eye on my phone and working at my desk at the same time. About 40min in, the queue started advancing rapidly and I got through!

About 7 tickets were available on the presale at that moment, starting at the £412,50 mark, up to the £2932,50 Premium tickets.

But...

This is when I decided this is too much. Not necessarily money-wise, I think 400€ a ticket for so many of such big artists, for such a big historic moment and for charity is reasonable. I have savings, I was prepared to use them for this.

It was too much, mental capacity -wise. I have suffered from anxiety since I was a kid. Anything new stresses me out an unreasonable amount, I work very badly under pressure. I tend to get sick when I stress too much, usually I get the flu, the last time I got shingles...

I have never went anywhere by plane as an adult. I have never been to Great Britain (only Sweden, Norway and Canary Islands as a kid/teen, and to Sweden and Estonia as an adult). I have never been to any event with 42 000 other people - the biggest I've been to had 11 000 people. I have never spent 1000€ on one thing, apart from rent, security deposit, that kind of things. This is too many new things, too many people, simply too much for my anxious brain to handle. I hesitated for like a minute or two, took another screenshot to commemorate that I almost got these tickets, and exited without puchasing. Whoever got section A5, row 7, seat 165 and the one next to it - you're welcome. This experience was excitement enough for me, I was riding the high of the thrill the rest of the day.

I know that to people who haven't experienced mental health issues, especially anxiety, this story might seem redundant, but for people who have the experience I have, get how it's about the small victories. At 15yo, I would freeze and panic internally every time someone besides my family, friends or teachers would talk to me (what others saw was me just staring at them and not responding). Until my 20s, saying my name at a roll call almost made me pass out every time after I said mine (I'd get light-headed, blurry vision, heart racing). Until about 1-2 years ago, I was terrified of phone calls - I've even forgotten my own name once when I was trying to book a dentist appointment. I still get a panic attack at the mere thought of speaking to a camera lens (I can record my voice just fine, I can lipsync to audio just fine, I can act in a theater production, but speaking to a camera - no).

So, me even considering something as huge as spending thousands of euros on a trip to a concert of 42 000 people in another country I've never been in - is HUGE. I am so proud of myself. And I would have regretted it for the rest of my life if I hadn't tried. I did try, I almost succeeded and that's good enough for me.

I did laugh at myself, though, and that's how I got the idea for this blog post as well. I know how small of a "victory" this is to other people. Humans, including me, can be so silly sometimes... All I actually did was press a few buttons for an hour and achieved nothing concrete, and yet I still feel proud of myself? 😂

I can't wait for July 5th, when I can (hopefully) follow the concert through media and social media from the safety of my own home. This concert might be the last gig of the first heavy metal band ever, but heavy metal will never ever die, this music is timeless and will outlive all of us 🖤🤘

Ps. I promise I'm not a boring person. When you meet me, I'm not an anxious ball of nerves, not anymore. I'm quite chill and cool, I think. I'm comfortable and confident being myself. But I do like my comfort zone. I can stretch it, and it'll get bigger over time, but some things are still too far outside it, too far in the future.