Knox Hill ft. McGwire - I Need A Minute (Initial Reaction & Lyrical Breakdown)

This song left me quite speechless, at first. It's about Knox's grandfather, who died last summer. They were very close, I think I've heard somewhere that his grandparents raised him.

I was never particularly close to my granddads, and they both died when I was a child. I think 10 and 12 or something like that. Both were smokers, both died from cancer. My grandma died in 2020 and that was quite a lot harder for me. Similar situation than what Knox went through - already having health issues but overall doing fine, then a very sudden decline and then it was over very fast. Not quite as fast in my grandma's case than with Knox's grandfather, though. He tried to go and visit but was about 20min too late. It's heartbreaking to think about.

I want to call myself all sorts of names for deciding not to go and visit my grandma, even though I knew her end was near. It simply just hurt too much. It would have been mentally too much for me to see her in that condition. I'm trying my hardest not to be so cold and harsh towards myself, though. First of all, I cannot take that back, I cannot change it. Second of all, as someone with a history of depression, I really need to be more gentle with myself. Not visiting her was... you can barely even call it a decision. I just knew that I could not do it. And in a few weeks, it was too late. I called her a bit under a week before, I managed to get myself together enough to do that. I told her that I loved her and bawled my eyes out, that was pretty much the entire conversation. After that I tried talking to my uncle, who had picked up the phone in the first place, but then her phone died, for good. She always hated having a cellphone, as it was bought for her so she could call for help if she hurt herself, and she felt like we treated her like a child, like the phone was her babysitter. I cried a good 20min writing this as well, and reading a note I made on my phone about her last weeks and her funeral (written on the day of her funeral), so I could revisit my last memories of her whenever I wanted. God I miss her... But it's time to move on, for today. I can't stay and wallow in deep waters like this for long, or I'll get stuck...

Knox made this a lyric video instead of a normal music video, he said it just felt more appropriate. I do like visuals, but as a foreigner, I really do appreciate seeing the lyrics as well.

I feel like if I'm not doing a deep dive into the lyrics now, I'll never do it. I have to do it now. It doesn't have to be perfect (just reminding myself), but it has to be done. I'll regret it later if I don't do it now.

Lyrics

Yeah, this my healin music

That's good. First of all, it's good that he has music as an outlet, and that it has a healing power over in his life. You see, I'm the type of person who wallows in feelings by listening to sad music (it's comforting, in a very morbid way - I'm probably just stuck in my ways, though), and happy, uplifting songs make me pissed off. This song didn't have that effect. It was... raw and emotional, but also truly uplifting. Not fake and pretending it's all good when it isn't, like a lot of "happy" songs are. Truly, honestly positive music is hard to find. And this song is uplifting, it is positive. It feels healing.

Alarm rings still dreamin of them palm trees / Somewhere out in Palm Springs / Play me some more psalms please / Got my head in my palms prayin "please" / "pay the fee" / I been down, I been weak / I been sick o' counting sheep / Quick, I'm drownin on my feet / Slip, I balance on these feats / I been doubtin all my dreams / I mean I need sleep / I feign for these beats / I bleed on these sheets / My dreams are in reach / So, I'm singing, leanin:

I interpret this as he had a dream where he was in Palm Springs, there were palm trees and psalms playing. He was happy. And then he woke up and remembered his real life troubles ("I been down, I been weak") and wanted to get back into the dream, but happens, like, never, unfortunately... And his alarm just went off, so he can't go back to sleep anyway, adult responsibilities await... If someone says they feel like they're drowning, they mean that they are overwhelmed, they have too much going on at once. He's "sick o' countin sheep", so he isn't getting enough sleep. He says that himself later in there, "I mean I need sleep". I didn't remember what "feats" means, I had to look that up. But it's like a very big accomplishment. The Finnish translation "urotyö" is something a hero does, it literally translates to "brave work", like you have to be very brave to take on the job and finish it, like superheroes are. "Feign" was a completely new word for me. The Finnish translations (on Sanakirja.org, which is the online dictionary I like the most) translated back to English would be something along the lines of "faking, pretending, hiding, keeping a secret, covering up". Bleeding on the sheets sounds brutal when we know he's not a person with a menstrual cycle... I hope he's not literally bleeding on the sheets. I figure (and hope) the bleeding is more metaphorical.

In the end, he says his dreams are in reach. They're achievable. Despite all the hardship he goes through, with the bills ("pay the fee", if taken literally), adult responsibilities, not always feeling so great (occasionally feeling "down" or "weak"), having to fake being ok some days even though you're not, insomnia or other reasons for not enough sleep, the blood, sweat and tears, etc - he remains hopeful for his future. 

I tried to mark some of the rhyming I heard, or think I heard, with colors.

There's also the triple with all the different "palms" - the palms of your hands, palm trees and Palm Springs.

And the feet, slipping, balancing - they're not doubles/triples, but more like nicely selected poetic choices, as all the expressions work so well together.

Yea, you know I'm still countin on you / Even if you're dead and gone / Know I'm still countin on you / Yeaaaah! / Yea, I'll never stop livin my truth / Cuz I don't want to try alone / So I'm askin please what do I do? / Yeaaah!

He still, internally / through spiritual means such as prayer, leans on his grandfather, asks him for advice when he's going through rough patches in his life.

Lost my grandfather not a week ago / He used to pick me up from school / And taught me what I need to know / But he got sick, dementia hit / Disease had to start to eat him whole / But I been on the road / Tryin to heat my flow / And feed my home / That call came / On the video he had me shook / I called the airline next plane / My flight was booked / It was a rush but I swore that I would make it / Pops picked me up from Dulles / I was prayin he was waitin / We hit the beltway, like damn / Too much breakin / We tried to keep it cool but I knew that fate was hatin / I turned up the tunes, we pushin through, I was mistaken / 20 minutes out phone rings: / "He didn't make it" / "What... like what you mean he didn't make it? / I told him I was comin, what you mean, he should be waitin!" / I pull up to his house but that's now the wrong location / The angel's got his number and his home's been elevated / Damn

Googled Dulles, it's Washington Dulles International Airport. Googled Beltway, it's Capital Beltway, a circular highway going around Washington. Helsinki has similar highways, in English they're called Ring I, Ring II and Ring III.

Otherwise this writing is clear as day, I don't feel I need to explain any of it, to myself or anyone possibly reading this.

Instead I tried to find the rhymes again, with the colors.

They were on the highway, which had a rush (lots of cars), but they were also in a rush, in a hurry to get to his grandfather on time.

Yea, you know I'm still countin on you / Even if you're dead and gone / Know I'm still countin on you / Yeaaaah! / Yea, I'll never stop livin my truth / Cuz I don't want to try alone / So I'm askin please what do I do? / Yeaaah!

Tell me things I didn't know / I let the bass cry / I don't think that I can give it hope / 200 in my pocket, I was hopin I could miss a go / Paid for the studio / I let the speakers hit my soul / Wrong time, I am in the wrong setting / But the music is the closest thing I can get to heaven / My tears fill this verse / I don't know who I'm affecting / I pour my heart into these rhymes / I hope you get the message / I come from PG / It's a land full of zeros / Without role models / But that man was my hero / So grandfather I just hope I make you proud / May you play this up in heaven and / I hope it makes you smile / I just hope you lookin down / Your grandson is still grindin / Nah I ain't make it yet / But it's all in good timin / I do this for my daughters / And my wife's who's right behind me / Until the day we meet again / Just know I'll keep on climbin / Till I see you at the top.. 

Know I'm still countin on you / Yeah, I'll never stop livin my truth / Cuz I don't want to try alone / So I'm asking please what do I do? / Yeaaaah!

"Letting the bass cry" is probably some music production thing I don't understand. But also "I don't think that I can give it hope" because you can't help others if you're in too much pain yourself, and you can't help your art being affected by your emotions either. So, the bass be crying now. Nothing he can do about it.

"200 in my pocket, I was hopin I could miss a go" is explained in the video, the double is Monopoly. The obvious other meaning being his grandfather passing.

This verse is very poetic as well. Knox's grandfather is in heaven, and Knox feels like he's closer to heaven when he makes music, so he's wondering if his grandfather can see his grandson, Knox, making music and working hard. Getting closer and closer to heaven and when he's (hopefully) lived a long and happy life, he gets to leave when he's ready and meet his grandfather again.

His wife is behind him, like she might literally be behind him when he's writing this, but I think it's also metaphorical - she's got Knox's back. She's standing behind him, supporting him.

As on the previous verses, I tried to find the rhymes again. Couldn't find as many rhymes in this verse, but that's just probably me, getting tired.

"For those we've lost along the way / Gone but never forgotten.."

Gone but never forgotten.
Rest in peace, Knox's grandfather.
Lepää rauhassa, rakas mummu <3